Letter To My Father...

My smile is the best lie I've got.
Stare deep into the eyes of a fatherless daughter
and behind her colored iris mask
lies a secret strength and vulnerability
tangled in years of simple questions.
What? Why? When? Where?
What caused you to leave me...
Was it an argument?
If so, will you at least accept MY apology?
Why wasn't I enough to fight for?
Was I not the daughter you hope for?
If so, tell me what I can do NOW to improve the infant I was THEN.
When did you decide it was too late to try again?
Because it's never too late for father/daughter dances.
I have a nice stereo system in my apartment.
I've practiced the steps without you,
so don't worry about me standing on your shoes.
WHERE ARE YOU??!!
I know I act like I don't need you
but I don't know you to know if it's what I need or not.
Give me the option.
Many have stepped in and tried to do what you should...
but it's NOT the same.
You were my first rejected love.
The hardest heartbreak I ever experienced.
I think my heart has mended,
but the scar tissue is so deep and ugly.
You know girls who penalize men for their past relationships...
I penalize them for you.
You haven't had your turn yet.
I can't give them what I don't know how to possess at times.
So, what do you need to get to me?
Why is it taking so long?
When are you going to come home?
and where is the love I've been seeking for so long?
I hope this letter makes it to you....
If not...
It wouldn't be the first time my love was returned to sender.